A Surrendered Life

     Tom is out today with the boys and I'm home.  Completely alone.  He's not only out with two-legged boys but also our four-legged boys.  I forget how quiet the house is when Colt and Henry are not here.  I've cleaned up the kitchen and made banana bread.  And I had my 'Favorite Singles' playlist on shuffle in the background.  

     Earlier I scrolled through the 384 songs looking for a specific one:  Everything and Nothing Less by Chris McClarney.  Listening to it made me think of two others I wanted to play:  Hillsong's I Surrender and Tim Hughes's Everything.  I have cried out to God through some of these songs for more than a decade.  They have been prayers for me.  These are songs I raise my hands to.  That I dance too.  Songs that have made me cry.  Songs that I sing at the top of my lungs and blast out loud.  Songs that have lyrics that give voice to my deepest desire.  And what is that desire?  To live a life surrendered to God's plan for my life.  To keep my feet on His path.  Because I believe these scripture promises.     

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."  Ephesians 4: 17b-19 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3: 5-6

     As I wrote this blog post, one photo in particular came to mind.  This one.

     

     It is me cliff side on the island of Malta over my birthday weekend in 2010.  Surrender is maybe a word that has negative connotations for you but for me it does not.  It is a word more closely aligned to freedom than defeat.  Hands raised in surrender.  Theoretically walking to the cliff's edge and making that leap of faith.  That to me...is part of living a surrendered life.  It's not always easy but it's the only one I desire.  

  So surrender is what brings us to 2022 and the planned departure from Italy this summer.  Surrender is why we are now heading home.  Surrender to God's guidance.  Surrender to God's plan.  

     In April 2021 I was asked if I wanted to extend here in Italy for another two years -- taking us out to June 2024.  Certainly a flattering and tempting offer.  Tom and I talked about it and prayed about it.  Even after declining the offer, I was asked again six weeks later.  Just in case we had second thoughts and had changed our minds and wanted to stay.  

     But during this time of decision, God gave me not one, not two, but three messages in my morning devotions letting me know that it is time to leave.  All three messages were on days specific to these decision points.  In fact, the day before I was first told that the decision to extend or not was imminent, these exact words were in my morning devotion: "When my deadline arrives, I'm not filing for an extension."  God is not always that directive but when He is...I definitely try to listen.  The other messages were the need to "move on" [Exodus 14:15] and then the final piéce de résistance...it is not enough to 'hear' the word of God but we need to do it [James 1:22]!  

     So here we are.  Preparing for a move back to the States.  Preparing to go home.  I know that I will shed many tears when it's time to leave Italy.  I have loved living here.  It's hands down one of my most favorite places I've ever lived.  And sometimes I want to stay.  However, I hold onto my three promises.  Not to file for an extension.  That it's time to move on.  And that it's not just enough to hear the word of God...but I need to do it!

     And also...when I begin to think...how can this experience ever be topped?  How can anything be better than the incredible experience of living and working in Italy?  It's certainly downhill from here, right?  I tell myself that even better things are ahead.  More than I can imagine.  See Ephesians 3:20.  But to reach that, it takes sacrifice.  It requires change.   Risk.   It takes moving out of my comfort zone.  It means packing up and starting over again.  It means taking that leap of faith.  

It means surrender.  

 

     While I hyperlinked the songs above, I'm also trying to include the videos below.  I don't normally import video files so see if you can play these.  Perhaps you too will turn the volume up and raise your hands high too.   

Hillsong - I Surrender

                                               Chris McClarney - Everything and Nothing Less

                                                               Tim Hughes - Everything